J1 in crisis

How are you? It’s me, the neurotic with your next weekly instalment. I joke, but I do sometimes wonder about your reaction to each missive, especially if you are maybe having a bad week and feel physically dreadful. Still, the great thing with letters is you don’t have to open them, read them, answer them or react to them if you don’t want to – hopefully an unobtrusive medium and if they are self-obsessed it’s because a) sometimes I am internally (and remember you get my weekly stream of consciousness stuff rather than thought through verbalised deliberations) and b) I have to write something and sometimes my life is difficult and unexciting.

A* has gone a bit mute – less emails, but having a better time I think – lots of parties in the run up to Christmas. This week’s angst/crisis is J1. Had a downer at parents’ evening Monday. He is really going to have to pull his finger out and do more work at home if he is to get the grades – and fill his UCAS form out. It was horrible because basically I got the unfit mother speech on why I am not getting him to work 3 hours every night. It’s hard to know when the parent responsibility stops and the child responsibility kicks in and J1 is very upset and feels he is having a hard time so too much blasting is counter-productive. I did get him to link up with the careers person yesterday and he is now looking at broadcasting with a wide range of choice as far as points needed are concerned. So, for example, Leeds needs more points than London Met. He also went to the chemistry after school help group – so fingers crossed. The reality is he has been bunking lessons which he told me about while we were in the queue and as they say ‘burying his head in the sand’. I can just so understand that because it is only an effort of will that stops me doing that too. However, if he misses out on uni, life is going to be even sh***er.

I worked late on Tuesday night at a Rural Community Safety Conference facilitating. I now know what hare coursing is. Apparently, very rich, but ‘earthy classes’ seek out areas with large hedge-less expanses (i.e. Royston) with big, non-domestic greyhound type dogs. The dogs chase tha hares and the aim is to see whose dog gets closest to the hare and makes it change course – not to kill it. They place bets of £ thousands on this. Where they break the law is trespassing on private land.

This morning I had my 6 month appraisal and I am a bit of a star – not perfect – but learning fast and getting more and more bigger strategic type jobs to do. It’s funny really that I came into this job with the sole purpose of stability and meeting the cost of bills, but actually seem to have found a bit of a niche where my skills are valued and I fit in with the ethos of the place. The job has turned out so far to be a silver lining in the cloud!

I had a nice day last Friday with J2 in Milton Keynes buying his Christmas and birthday presents. He got a phone and a new watch, his first ever pair of levis which we have had to take up as he has short legs, 2 shirts from Next for ‘social’, a great fleece/wool jacket and a chill T shirt. Pizza Hut for lunch and considering it wasn’t even the week-end still a nightmare for parking. Milton Keynes has changed so much over the last 20 years.

I am now entering ‘every evening up to Christmas with activity’ zone – some work, some family – utterly knackering, kicking off with J2’s party and overnighter this week-end. However, after Christmas I have 4 whole days when I am going to flee to Portsmouth, stay in bed and read the papers and books and revisit places like Winchester and Chichester and look in girly shops. J2 is off with his Dad and Israel G to Cornwall and A* and J1 can look after themselves.

I still haven’t done anything about my damp patch – next task. Big hug.