children need roots and wings

 

If you read my blog regularly, you will know that my children are scattered all over the world.  Actually I will say ‘planted’ all over the world because they are rooted in those places and doing good things.

This week I have heard a lot of my approximate generation complaining or anguishing about how little they see of their children.  One friend in his 70s whose children live within a 30 mile radius was complaining he didn’t always see them every week because they have full time jobs, wives, tiny babies and gym membership.  I thought coming to see him once a week was a good deal, especially as he is divorced, so they also go and see their mum separately.

At prayer group of all places, they were bemoaning the listless state of youth.  Now I can’t buy into this.  I see enough young people in my work and amongst my own children’s contemporaries to know this simply isn’t true.  Values and approaches may be different, but it doesn’t mean they are better or worse.  As I reminded them, our parents probably said exactly the same thing about us.  We also have some great talent amongst young people at church.

Anyway, in my group, we had very committed church members praying that their children would come back home to live.  I was shocked.  That is a big burden to place on your children and it is selfish.

I always remember my mum saying wistfully that she wished I lived a bit closer so I could pop over easily rather than it being a trek (I was 200+ miles away), but she encouraged me and my brothers to follow work and our dreams and we have.  Towards the end of her life I travelled to see her once a month and wrote or spoke to her every week.  She had a wide circle of friends.

This I think is crucial.  As it became obvious my children were going to be global and not coming back, I have taken measures to shore up a community around myself.  I have kept contact with all my close, chosen friends for decades, so I have a network.  I remember the crab soothsayer in Cameroon telling me I would not have a lonely old age.  I hope it proves true.

 

Good parents give their children Roots and Wings. Roots to know where home is, Wings to fly away and exercise what’s been taught them

JONAS SALK

physician, discovered eponymous vaccine for polio