advice to a younger male to get over an ex

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I gave this advice to a younger male recently after a painful break up. He thought it was harsh.  I give it to you now with the rationale which I didn’t give him.

 

Stop dishing out the cash, fancy meals, exotic holidays for women you barely know. Make sure that for the first 6 months you go 50:50 on every date and if they can’t afford it, do stuff they can afford. (you would have to be a saint not to be drawn in by the cash flow)

Go out with a woman, even just as a friend who isn’t stick thin. (Try to date outside your ‘type’. This is hard.  I used to think I dated different people until my counsellor pointed out their similarities.)

Identify a male mate over 50 and meet him on a regular basis. Having friends one generation ahead of you can teach you so much and help prepare you for future issues you may face. (I miss my older friends who are now dead. They taught me a lot.)

Date a woman who is doing a job that is all about other people rather than herself. I know there was a doctor in the mix somewhere, but maybe someone a bit more in touch with ordinary life. (No explanation required.)

Think about which of your friends you want to keep over the long term and start writing to the ones you don’t see on a regular basis. Writing is a great way of clarifying your thoughts and what is important. (And also great therapy)

Cook for a friend once a week. You will make a deeper connection on a one to one basis.  Groups have their limitations. (It will help you be in the flat when she is no longer there.)

Volunteer. Something with kids.  Choose someone who really needs your help, but however irregularly you do it, it must be constant.  Find an international school or a youth club and offer to mentor a child who is struggling with self-esteem issues.  Offer to take out a disabled child once a month for a couple of hours.  Find a family to babysit for once a month. (I have read numerous times and can vouch from my own personal experience that when you see the horror and grief some people have to live with on a daily basis you feel grateful for your own life.)

Date an Australian. I don’t know if it’s convict genes, but all the Australian women I have ever met have always been so grounded. (Life observation)

Stop going on holiday every 5 minutes and just be still in the place you are at. As my counsellor said to me, how will the nice people find you if you are always moving on to the next thing.

Go back to acting as a hobby or something that fulfils the creative in you.

 

Get a financial adviser and put some infrastructure in place for every eventuality.

 

Xxx I have your best interests at heart.