the golf balls have it

The golf balls have it

I won the golfing getaway in a raffle.   http:/www.golfinggetaways.com  As employees of a large public organization we are not allowed to take anything from customers that may be construed as bribes so gifts get raffled once a year.

I have never hit a golf ball in my life. I am going anyway.  What is there not to like about being in the great outdoors, exercising without having to get red in the face and the exhilaration of hitting the odd ball.  Golfing getaways are organizing a unique, tailored program for me.  Plus I get to borrow some interesting kit.

The other thing about golf is that it attracts more than its fair share of worldly, successful participants. What US President have you not seen take a photo call on a golf course?  Argument won.

I am thinking of all the people I have known in my life who play golf. My husband played golf.  He was an enthusiast for any game that involved a ball.  My partner played golf.  He was an exquisite cook.  There is no evidence of any linkage between the two skills.  He did it for work schmoozing.

I have a current male friend who plays golf. He goes virtually every day.  When I facetime him he will say, ‘I walked four and a half miles this morning on a round of golf Babe’.  He always calls me Babe.  I like this.  He reminds me of Ray Winstone in the film ‘Sexy Beast’.  It was made in 2000, but will grip you.  It’s clever, violent and touchingly human.  Something about his bulk, aligned with his agility, his extrovert ebullience, a wardrobe worthy of a reality TV star and a sometimes shocking ability to pummel with words make me think of a barely constrained gangster.

We dated briefly, but it wasn’t long before I realized I couldn’t walk in the heels he wanted me to wear and found the dressing up bit, but pretty much always falling short, nerve wracking. It isn’t who I am which frustrates me because dressing up shouldn’t be hard.

Excoriating words were spoken on both sides. Then somehow we got beyond that.  I now know he lied about his age by 10 years.  Why?  He looks amazing.  I worry sometimes that I look a bit slack jawed when he regales me with his latest s-exploits, but the reality is the guy is enormous fun.  Just sometimes it’s magical for an introvert to have a plus one, well over six foot, swathed in evening dress and cashmere coat who likes nothing better than being THE CENTRE OF ATTENTION.  Confidence is attractive.  The kids say he reminds them of their dad.

This may shock you, but I think if you took Donald Trump, made him realize he could be himself with you with no comeback and that you didn’t want anything from him, he would be enormous fun.

You see the golf balls have it.

Footnote: I wrote this as part of a written interview attempt to make money from my writing.  I failed!