template for advice to adult child if you are worried they are drifting

 

 

After we spoke I wanted to touch base and give you some mum/dad talk.  You may not like it, but it is given from the basis of my own wobbly transition through life, not as a judgement on anything.  I have obviously not always made good choices or my own passage through life would have been easier.

You are xx years old. IF you want to have babies you need to be trying in the next 4 years.  If you are waiting for ‘the right time’ or for xx to be in the ‘right place’ you could wait forever.  I don’t care if you don’t want children, but I do care if you miss out on something you really wanted.

In my first year of marriage, I tried so hard to be a good wife, put xx first and ran around after him like an idiot. Did it make him more lovey-dovey and care about my ultimate wellbeing?  No.  About year 2 I realised I just had to get on with making the things I wanted to happen for myself happen.  I probably got over-good at this as I remember him saying ‘you have everything you want’ just before he left.  Do I regret it?  No.  No, because I don’t have any regrets.  I don’t look back and wish I had done something and didn’t try.  I tried shedloads and failed, but that’s very different.

Give an example of someone you both know who has regrets.

The second thing I want to say is you need to get out of working nights/the job they do/something holding them back.  You admitted it affects your ability to function.  This is not good for your health, your wellbeing and is not sustainable.  Please let this time be the last.  The money is not worth it.  If you have a baby, you can’t work shifts unless you have a very, VERY good support network.  Xx spent over a decade working nights.  Good money, but it had a huge impact on his quality of life.

This is not about being rich and successful in materialistic terms. This is not about turning your back on the dream lifestyle.  I want to hear more about your focus on what your dream is and what you are doing to get there.  If you have no vision that you are verbalising it is not going to happen.  If you still have a dream to xxx  I want to be hearing what you are doing about it.

I worry that you are drifting. It’s hard for me to judge on the bits I pick up so I may have it wrong.  I am happy to eat humble pie on that one.  Enlighten me if you are totally on track for what you want.

Xx can be the loveliest man on the planet, but what you make with your life is pretty much 100% down to you.

Anyway enough. I hope you understand, and I have made clear, that this is not about status – it’s about self-fulfilment and there are many ways to achieve this.  You may want to tell me you are 100% self-fulfilled now.

I love you unconditionally.