I get sick

2 weeks of my life just got wiped out being very sick. It started one morning breaking in to a sweat and feeling nauseous so I had to leave the commune and then once I got home I was just utterly incontinent at both ends. The scary thing was that each time it happened I woke being sick slumped against the wall so I must have lost consciousness for a few moments each time. I decided that I was very glad to have my guardian de nuit because I know he is nosey enough to come looking for me if I don’t come outside to greet him.

 

I had a day’s respite after my initial bout and I then had 3 days making a 3 hour round trip to Maroua hospital, once to see the doctor and to get my blood and poo tests, once to collect the results and then once to get the doctor to write my prescription. Then a trip round 3 pharmacies to find enough medication. I officially have ‘amoebes’ which I thought was a bit pretentious sounding when I first heard other volunteers use it and is actually amoebic dysentery. The medication is so powerful it has just wiped me out. Side effects include headache, fever and total lack of appetite. I am glad a colleague suggested that what I was feeling could be the side effects of the medication because I thought I had malaria too – sometimes it doesn’t register on the test immediately.

 

As a person who doesn’t suffer from headaches and indeed is rarely sick I have spent every free moment comatose if not sleeping in my hotel room with the air con on. Luckily we had a big 2 region conference this week so we have all been in Maroua and while I have been present for most of the sessions I have just been able to crash afterwards and not have the additional worry of sorting out my water, buying my onions etc. I haven’t been weeping to come home. You don’t have the energy to weep. I have been hunched up, clutching my head and sipping water. I have never in my life taken medication that knocks me sideways like this and I still have 3 days to go. I have now moved out the hotel, but I am staying in Maroua until I finish my medication.

 

To add to the wearisomeness of the week is the seemingly total self absorption of the volunteers that remain bar the odd few and 2 Filipino from the North West region who are totally sunny if OBSESSED with taking pictures of everything and everyone. I don’t know whether my current perception is just another side effect of the medication, but they are so militant and critical and get angry about everything so quickly. Everything is black and white, right or wrong and of course rightly or wrongly everything about Cameroon is infinitesimal shades of grey. I do remember a younger me getting irate and being principled – now I actually find some of them a bit rude and tiresome with their endless nit picking. And what really shocks me is they are refusing to mentor new volunteers! It made a huge difference to me that one or two people were kind enough to show me a few shortcuts. They are so intellectually up their ****holes some of them and SO impatient.

 

A good thing that came out of the week in terms of the work was that snotty secretaire general came (Bogo Chief Executive) and actually, because other maires (mayors – more power) were there listened to what they were saying in a way he doesn’t listen to me and I think that will give me a foot hold to work with. He actually came up to me about one thing and said, ‘we could do this. I don’t know why we haven’t’. Phew!

 

Another thing that is very touching is how H, my national volunteer, has gone from being irritated with my language skills to making it her personal responsibility to translate the nuances of my French. ‘No’ I heard her say this week, ‘she doesn’t mean that she means this’ and she was right. Her whole attitude to me changed after she met up with the other volunteers and began to realize we weren’t doing too bad a job.

 

Where am I in my head starting my sixth month? Feeling immensely proud of the grip I have got on my French, not bilingual of course but I can make myself understood if people want to understand me. There are aspects of this place I just love. Today I tried a new hotel because the swimming pool hotel that does cheap sauté vegetables was hosting a wedding so I went to the Hotel Sare that is famous for stone lions by the pool and ostriches. It’s a little way out and has a dilapidated 1950s feel, the swimming pool has green water and dear god there were children swimming in it, the gardens are beautifully tended and all round the edges the garden staff look like they are growing this year’s millet supply for staff families. I can’t imagine how they make enough money because it was deserted, but the chef had a long discussion with me about what he had that would be best to try on my delicate stomach and his fish with tomato sauce and my favourite French beans was lovely, then I went and looked at the ostriches which are very old and very awesome – those giant chicken legs and in the same pen there were tiny duck chicks wandering inches from these giant talons and big eyes and equally big hissy beaks oh and in true African style a few monkeys who looked in good shape and I just sat there, ate at a snail’s pace and spent an hour watching a family of baby peacocks. How will I ever rush around again?

 

What will probably bring me home early is the emotional nurture bit. I have made no real friends male or female and as for all of us, we need some emotional nurture going in to give it back out. I have a pretty varied group of friends back home, I thought I’d find soul mates out here but with African people or at least the ones that don’t despise me because I’m an infidel and a woman, there is too much power differential to make that feasible, in education, wealth and experience of the world. Scratch the surface of every male here and if they like you, you would be in their compound and never allowed out. Then the Europeans here, forgive me the sweeping generalization but I’ve sweeped carefully, are out here because they are too emotionally deficient to survive somewhere where they aren’t top white dog.

 

I looked at the ostrich today and thought that when I get my 2 moutons (sheep) and 2 poulet (chickens) which is on my ‘as soon as I feel better agenda’ and can galvanize the carpenter to build their shelters I am going to anthropomorphize them in a very un Hazel like fashion because I need an outlet for my emotions. I’ve already picked names from the list of my favorite characters in all the wonderful books I’ve been reading.