my emotional wellbeing

How is my emotional wellbeing? I haven’t cried yet, but I have had the odd panic attack which is apparently quite normal among the old and younger volunteers alike. I am trying to think what triggers them – the heat is so stifling you feel you can’t breathe. There is a physical complaint out here from local people that they get sand in their lungs so the men put tiger balm up their nose. The politer ones go outside to blow their nose, but Amin, he of the starey eyes and volatile temper picks his nose in front of us all.

The second thing is I know the journey I made with help to get here so I know it’s not an easy get out. I don’t as yet have nerves about my placement. I may feel more responsible as I become more engaged.

It helps a lot when I hear from home every couple of days even a short note. It makes me feel connected even though we are physically far apart. I am dripping with sweat all the time. It doesn’t really smell because you are drinking so much water. The smell on the first night here was a VSO staff member who dresses impeccably but has terrible BO. I reckon I am getting through at least 2 litres of water a day and anywhere where you have skin on skin or rolls of fat it is so wet it soaks your clothes. This must be why people are thin up here. That and bloody pumping water from the well. On Friday I am going back into Maroua to buy a large dustbin size bucket. Then I can get my water delivered, but it’s hard work.

As I still can’t get a fan until I go back to Maroua I have slept inside one night. I sleep in the yard on the sofa cushions in a long cotton nightie with the mosquito net A bought me for Christmas wrapped round me and Baba the night guard who comes and sleeps in the compound at night. He looks like a human version of the bear in jungle book. They call to prayers at 5am in the morning and I wake up and listen to him chanting. It’s bearable outside, there is a slight breeze and above all else I need to sleep.

Claude the Canadian volunteer went for his first day and no one showed up, but it’s not like that at the commune. I have met the outgoing and incoming secretariat general, like the chief executive (13 full time staff), le premier adjoint who is like the leader of the council (41 councillors) and the tribal chief who amazingly shook my hand. What I find difficult is that they have a large building and all huddle in one room round one desk. There are about 6 office rooms at the commune but the retiring and incoming secretaire general share one desk with the new SG which is at the level of our chief exec sitting on a white plastic chair working on the wrong side of the desk. After 2 days I said I couldn’t work on my knees anymore and on Wednesday they made steps to get an office cleaned out for me. The most comfortable chairs are the plastic garden ones. I have been sitting writing on my knees which just got to me today in terms of making my back ache. I am to get a room with a desk and chair but it’s full of rubbish and locked up at the moment. Health and safety just doesn’t exist, but it’s hard to complain when so many around you live with far worse.

I think also I have a pretty cruddy house. Lara’s which is next to me has tiled floors, curtains and a sort of garden, but hers was where the man of the house lived while mine is where the women lived and just has concrete floors In Maroua the volunteers have showers and flushing toilets. However I am so delighted to have sorted out good internet access and once I get a fan and some mats and curtains it will be OK.

The lady of the house cooks for us every day although last night I ate with Lara, one of her VSO friends and Doug the peace corps volunteer. I did a stir fry dish to take and tonight I did a tomato, onion, spring onion and pepper salad and even made my own dressing – oil, vinegar, salt and pepper and fresh lime – proper tasting it I was as I went along. People here eat onions a lot because sometimes that is the only vegetable they have. She did the giant millet dumpling with the glutinous green fleck sauce that is glutinous because they put wood ashes in as an ingredient.

Today I also went to the catholic mission to try and organize French and Fulfulde lessons, found the one bar and brought a bottle of beer to drink at home and found a guy in the market to make 4 posts to go in the corners of my bed (like a 4 poster) to hang my mosquito net on. He is also going to make a frame for my hammock as I haven’t got a verandah with exposed beams as Lara has.

Tomorrow my aim is to take my computer to work and to try using the solar panel as there is no electricity there.