Embrace the moment
It was so lovely to have a chat on Thursday and hear all your exciting news about Ben and also your vision for the next step post the harvest. It is always such a fine line balancing career and not missing life’s opportunities with also being available for relationships to have some chance of getting off the starting blocks. In recent years I found that my dates would be very frank about whether their commitment to me made it worth giving up other plans. They honestly said no, but I do usually ask. The truth then gave me the final impetus I needed. Nor do I think it has to be totally one or the other. Increasingly I am finding middle ground. I had a long distance relationship with FP which survived over 2 years after I got back. I have a week-end relationship with FB. As your mother and coming from a gene pool that enjoys intimacy I don’t want you to defend yourself from something that can complete you in equal measure to possibly driving you in to depression. It’s how you keep it in perspective that counts. When I meet these sad people in their 50s and 60s at parties they never bemoan the things they did do, they bemoan the things they didn’t. Embrace the moment beloved one.
I have been socialising this week. Monday I had Pilates. I am now officially in the advanced class and other than the instructor probably the eldest. Tuesday my religious friend Stephen came round. He spends all his life visiting people and looking after young grandchildren even though he is now in his 70s. On Wednesday I went out for dinner with Jim who spent years in Thailand with various Thai ‘girlfriends’, but is now too physically frail to cope with long flights. He goes to Malta instead! Neither of these men are the regrets category. Jim went to Australia several times when his sons were travelling over there. Maris, the Latvian gay artist was also upset Wednesday because he had been to see his son who is a famous dancer in Luxembourg, but his son could not cope with his new frail dad (he has a stoma and has to be extremely cautious about his health) and is also having a ‘political’ marriage as his girlfriend needs to stay in the country which has upset Maris as he has a strong Christian faith. I also had a Romanian gay window dresser at H&M who trained as a lawyer come and look at the room. I loved him so I would have liked him to move in, but have heard nothing since though existentialist Brian (2 nights a week) wants to come back in June. Adele has an on-line trainer and has a bought a shop load of protein shakes to continue her weight loss programme. She also trimmed my hair this week.
Thursday I went to Iris’s. She has forgiven me for being quiet at her dinner party. I think I told you that Tim is getting married on May 22nd this year. Iris’s millionaire eldest son has 3 children in their 20s who have never worked nor completed a uni course. Her second son, also very wealthy, lives with a woman who has nothing to do with Iris and has poisoned their 2 daughters against her so they are shocking and unbelievably rude to her, Third son is splitting from his wife in New York and has a slightly autistic son and then there is Tim. I find it upsetting that although her sons love her, her wider family cannot cope with this albeit larger than life woman in her 70s. Iris is inspirational and to be treasured. Anyway, she is going to Cuba next week and is planning on moving to the south coast in the Autumn as none of her children will visit her in Luton. I will miss her as we tend to have virtually monthly ‘book-end’ meetings as she calls them on her coach.
The exciting thing that happened while I was there was that FB turned up, all smiles and excited to see me. He had been saying all week that he was missing me, but actually getting in the car and driving down is another step for him. It gives me hope for our future together.
However, the week-end had its usual degree of drama. Nothing is ever easy with him. On Saturday we went out for breakfast to the aerodrome cafe which I love and then on to the huge market that takes place on the old runway. It’s enormous and packed and I asked FB to stay close to me, but he doesn’t. He wanders off and in the end I got upset and went back to the car. I just don’t feel safe. It’s miles from anywhere and I am dependent on FB. He comes to find me and then is nice afterwards, but it’s the way he is. I couldn’t be sure he doesn’t do it just for mischief. Afterwards we went to a beautiful National Trust property called Charlcote Park. We visit somewhere pretty much every week-end as he has a family membership. It’s nice.
The second thing is we always go to bed early like 9pm. Then he woke up twice in the night, gets up and goes to look at his computer. He doesn’t intentionally wake me, but he does. Then I get 5 hours sleep if I am lucky. He sleeps in the day time, but I don’t.
The last thing is his kitchen is so filthy he now has a family of mice. The work surfaces have mouse droppings on. He plans to shoot them with this lethal looking pellet gun he showed me today. They have nested in one of his kitchen cupboards. This is because he leaves his washing up and generally does not clean. The man is bonkers and chaotic. However, he is not dull and we have great old people sex which just gets better and better. I got a pair of burgundy allstars at the market for £10.
Spoke to J1. He is down to the last 12. 3 more went this week. No more news.
The attached picture is drawn by Maris Sants