swag had form Christmas 2014

 

I have gone back to counselling for a while.  Did I tell you that?  Things with the Swag got very difficult and painful and left me feeling very uncertain of myself.  It felt/was emotionally abusive in the end, but it took me ages to finish it.  I kept thinking, ‘I know I have to do this, but I can’t right now’.  In the end things got so bad it was easy, but the aftermath wasn’t.  I had to go to the police and it turns out the Swag has form in domestics. It’s helpful to review under expert guidance.  Nobody wants to make painful mistakes too often.

Everything blew up with the timeshares.  The Swag and I had been going to Spain because I thought it was Russ’s turn to use and pay for Cornwall, but he refused to do so now he is living there so in the end the Spanish timeshare went free to the Swag’s daughter and I went to Cornwall alone.  I thought it would be difficult, but a week is nothing when you have spent months abroad alone and I swam every day, walked on the beaches, shopped selfishly which was a treat and took time to take a breath.  It was expensive for me to shoulder, but I’ll plan better in future.  The strangest thing was, when you are used to living in a multi occupancy house, having a whole lounge, kitchen, 2 bedrooms and a bathroom to yourself.  It felt wasteful of resources.

Christmas was the usual juggling act trying to keep the children from getting tense with each other.  J1 was home for 2 weeks, but dissatisfied because his latest love interest has not extracted herself from her previous relationship yet and was not available to him.  He gets heavy handed with J2 over not passing his driving test when he had offered to pay for lessons for him, which is nice, but controlling.  Bear and Adele were there for lunch and then they all disappeared to other places for the afternoon so I went and spent time with Sean the horse and went to bed exhausted from doing all the preparation and clearing up on my own!  Boxing Day I packed.

I am working on what I want for 2015.  In fact, under the expertise of my uber qualified therapist (my counsellor friend Isabel chose the practice), I am working on what I want for the next 15 years.  I will report back in due course if it is the sort of thing for sharing.

I am pleased with steady progress with the blog.  It seems to be surprisingly popular with Russians.