He (FB) lets me down on my birthday

Darling A

Happy Birthday sweetheart!  I hope you have a lovely day or at least a ‘good for minimal expectations’ day.  Thank you so much for my champagne and chocolates.  I will save it for a special dinner/event.  I love you Al.  I am glad things are going well enough in Australia and I am very proud of you.

I picked up ’59 seconds.  Think a little.  Change a lot’ which was on my boss’s desk while I was waiting for an IT glitch to be resolved.  I may delve in to it a bit more, but I was looking at ‘what creates happiness’.  Interestingly, and this may help you if you are still feeling a bit sad sometimes, they were saying that research shows sharing/talking about your problems has not been proven to dramatically increase people’s happiness, but writing about your problems does because it enables you to clarify the issues and often devise your own solutions.  It made sense to me as I wrote through all my bad days and it was always a release.  It also said it was proven as better to invest your cash in experiences rather than stuff which I have read variously in other literature.

 

I won’t go over the FB story this week again as I told you most of it on the phone, but in no particular order I am having serious doubts because

  • He came to see me Tuesday night on the way back from a funeral in Wells, but I felt it was at least as much about meeting his need to see me as ‘being there’ for my birthday.  He didn’t even get up first to get my tea in bed, but expected me to bring his as usual.  I just don’t think it’s good A or at least not good enough for me.  J2 wrote in my card, ‘you deserve the best’ and I think if I don’t stand up for myself, who else will.
  • He disappeared ON MY BIRTHDAY without leaving a text/message (this is weird)
  • He doesn’t deliver things he says he will do.  I got a lovely bunch of roses and a nice card from FB, but I was disappointed I didn’t get theatre tickets which I had said was what I wanted when he asked.  He says that taking me to the theatre is a ‘given’ and talked again about taking me out for a lovely meal, but for me there is a whole world of difference between talking about something and doing it.  I didn’t care if I had the cheapest tickets on a mid-week night.  I like to have concrete things in my diary to look forward to.
  • He spends too much time in bed & being sick without going to the doctor for meds
  • His house is beautiful and in a beautiful location, but he has not maintained it for years.  He is still cooking with a camp stove because he has not got the fuse box sorted on the cooker.  The house has a damp problem and is unkempt.
  • He is a fantasist.  I hear endlessly about his other car being a Landrover Discovery, but I have never seen it.

He can be nice.  This last week-end we went to a national trust property as he is a member and it was lovely in the sunshine.  He bought me a £1 notebook that was reduced!

I have also been looking in to my big holiday this year and went to Intrepid who are based on Islington High Street.  I was looking at Cambodia and Vietnam for 16 nights which I fancied and Kerala (South India) which is where FB says he wants to go.  I want to go on an organised trip first time with FB because after Bordeaux I don’t think he is a very laid back traveller, he doesn’t speak any languages, he hasn’t been to any Asian/African countries so has not experienced the heat and poverty, his asthma is far worse than I thought at first and as per the above I have no faith in his planning abilities.  He says he doesn’t want to go with an organised group.  I think I am going to book it for me anyway.  I don’t want to wait and wait for FB to sort something out and then nothing happen.  I’ve done alone for months so I can do travelling solo in a group for 3 weeks.  However, I do think I might take the Kerala option as it is more ‘basic’, sounds awesome and ends up in Goa which I quite fancy seeing.  Also, if FB then goes under his own steam and tries to lord his experience over me I will still know I got to see the highlights.  I have never had a bad group holiday experience with these tours and if fellow travellers are odd that is equally part of the entertainment.

Phew!  What now?  FB says he is a committed Christian.  I really hoped for someone with a moral compass that I could admire and trust.  Have I got the energy and self-belief to keep trying?  I hear the 30/40 year olds in the office bemoaning their single state and not feeling able to use dating sites.  I am beginning to understand why.

Advice A?  You give me good advice.

 

My bling came Friday and A, it is AWESOME!  I have ended up with less in terms of numbers, but some beautiful pieces.  I am really pleased.

The car failed its MOT this week.  It needs a new front spring and exhaust system, but I have to wait until this Friday when my wages come in to get it fixed.  I got a free MOT from a winning raffle ticket at Jenny’s ‘do’ for Tim.  J2 and I continue to bounce along at the bottom of the financial scale for well-off-ness.

Tonight I am going to see Morag who is just about to retire (temporarily) and going off to South America for a long hols.  Morag is not a person I feel envious of though it must be quite nice to never worry about money.

No more news this week Al.  Mum xxxx