Would you befriend a person leaving prison?
I am standing before you today to attempt to spark your interest in befriending someone who is about to come out of prison.
‘I couldn’t possibly do that’, you say, ‘far too scary!’ But are all prisoners scary? Think Lester Piggott the jockey (only little), Jeffrey Archer (the writer), Chloe Green’s latest boyfriend Jeremy Meeks (a model). They have all been in prison.
Please be assured that our volunteers will never be placed with anyone who is not thoroughly vetted. You will also have extensive training and on-going professional support.
‘Why should I help them?’ you say. There are far more deserving cases than people who have done something bad enough to end up in prison. Victims of disasters, abused children, neglected animals are examples of living beings in a sorry state through no fault of their own.
What is my top argument that I can put before you to convince you that ex-prisoners are worthy of your time and effort?
President Jimmy Carter said, ‘The measure of a society is found in how they treat their weakest and most helpless citizens’.
Albert Einstein wrote, ‘ the world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing’.
If we opt out of every opportunity to help another we live a life less well lived.
So, having piqued you into volunteering to help someone, why might you be a good ex-prisoner befriender?
We need planners. We need planners who have dragged themselves up by their bootstraps because they do lists. They work towards things in tiny, incremental steps. They break down overwhelming possibilities into ‘what can you do today, now, at this very moment, that will move you one step nearer your goal.
We need people who know their communities, who know the places where you can get a free or very cheap meal on a cold night, the best charity shops, the most welcoming faith groups, which supermarkets have it in their corporate social responsibility to take on a % of ex-offenders, which local businesses might give an ex-prisoner a trial.
We need people who don’t have perfect families themselves, because ex-prisoners need support to re-establish links to family networks. They need to talk through strategies to do this. If you’ve never had a family row your experience will be limited.
We need people who are street wise enough to avoid trouble. If you are the sort of person who goes to a football match and revels in any ruckus, you have not got the life skills to help an ex-prisoner. They need people who can advise on a good time without doing anything dodgy.
We need people who can just shut up and listen, so if you are not into the jibber jabber, that’s OK. Ex-prisoners need the space to talk through bad stuff and grieve and often to explore making amends.
We need people who have had experiences where they have needed to show patience and tolerance. Many prisoners have mental health issues. Making the transition back to outside life is a huge undertaking and it’s unlikely to be a smooth progression. Every day will be a new day to start afresh.
If you think you will get nothing back you are wrong.
In prison many will learn
- How to let go
- Self-acceptance
- Responsibility
- Being emotional and authentic with men
- And gratitude for others
When you have opportunities to get alongside people who have learnt to live with so much less, your life will change. You will be happier with less. You will look at the simplest things you have and think gratitude on a daily basis. It frees you.
One last point – while we can all be touched by one encounter, trust can only develop with constancy. Don’t worry if you’re not a person who is charismatic. In this instance, staying power and just being you is more important.
You will also set the boundaries. You are not going to be on the end of a phone 24/7, but when you say you will be there, you will be there, ignoring any better offer you may have got in the interim.
That reliability comes from the love deep in your heart.
Thank you for inviting me this morning and thank you for listening.