I have been back 3 weeks from Sri Lanka September 2013

My update to friends

I have had a hectic 3 weeks since I got back.  I have been offered 2 jobs and have decided to take the one in London working as a Community Development Worker for Peabody Housing Association.  It is well paid, which covers my commuting costs and I like the buzz of London.  The other choice was working in a porta-cabin in a bus depot in Bedford organising a sustainable community transport network for the over 65s which I would have been grateful and happy to do, but given a choice…. I discussed it with the children who know me best and they all felt London was the better option for me. However, I am not working yet and will have to work another month before I get paid so things are a bit grim.  For some reason, which I am going to appeal against, I have been told I am not entitled to JSA.  I haven’t asked for any other help e.g. with the house because obviously I have that covered. Otherwise my life has just been catching up with friends which has been lovely.  They have pretty much all fed and watered me and just been there.  The car had to go in the garage for a new battery and a radiator is leaking in my bedroom, but otherwise all is well.  Even Sean the horse is a picture of health and delighted to be ridden again. We will meet up, but I need some time to get back on an even keel financially and am having a very subdued social life at the moment.

 

Dear J1

How are you?

I am struggling with anxiety this week.  I came back from Sri Lanka brimming with confidence which thank goodness stayed around long enough to help me get a job, 2 jobs even, and then things happen, usually involving people, who put me down in some way or other and then I am back with very low levels of self-confidence.  So for example, I have decided to take this job in London after much angst and worry about making the ‘right choice’ and checking out with all my friends.  Then, having made the decision, instead of thinking about all the things that could go right and how happy I might be, I worry about all the things that could go wrong and how I might realise I made a terrible mistake and should have taken the other job.  Phew!  What’s all that about?  It is not at all helpful and thoroughly exhausting.

I saw FP on Thursday, not because I had asked to see him, but because he had asked to see me.  He is living with his new woman and her teenage daughter in a 2 bedroom council flat in Peterborough with whatever belongings aren’t in my garage and shed in another garage.  He says he is going to get a 3 bed house there.  I swear he was not pleased to hear I had a job.  I feel as with FH that he just wants me to fail and everything come crashing down.  He was just bragging about how successful he is and by the end of the evening I did feel on a downer on myself.  J2 was apoplectic on my behalf and furious I am even seeing him.  ‘Mother you are worth so much more than him!  How many women have left him? (5)  Do you think they were all wrong?’  He made me feel so much better.  Martin, FP’s son, also wrote out the blue this week saying he had been looking at the photo album I made him (like all of yours) and how much I had helped him and what an amazing person I am.  How lovely is that?  I didn’t mention it to FP.

I saw Morag this week…………she was telling me about some deal she is getting where she can retire for 48 hours and then go back to work for 2-3 days a week and still earn the same amount.

I got my contract for Peabody through and rang up BRCC.  The guy Neville who would have been my boss was lovely about it and said all the right things, these things happen, you must put yourself first etc.  Otherwise I have been gardening, even doing some paint-stripping down the stairs where I am going to buy new carpet, going for long rides on the horse and finding ways to occupy myself constructively without spending money.  Rick has lent me £500 to see me through the first month – bless him.  I know you would have too, but the time will come soon enough when I am dependent on you having my best interests at heart.

I hope you are hearing regularly from your ‘belle francaise’.  I love you  –  Mum xx

Darling Mother,

 

First things first.  STOP being an idiot!  I think everything you’ve done over the past year is great.  To come home from Sri Lanka and land yourself two job opportunities in the current climate is only testament to what a great person you are and how valuable you are!  As for FP, the bloke is full of s**t.  If he was really successful he wouldn’t be living in a two bed council flat.  Further to that I’m interested to know the parameters in which he measures success?  He has lost contact with two children completely and semi-neglects the children he does maintain a relationship with who (and credit to them) do remain fiercely loyal to him.  As J2 highlighted every woman he has been with has chosen to leave him and God knows how long he was using you as a crutch?  Needless to say FP has a history of lying so I imagine everything he said to you was to make him feel better about himself.  But do not fear because ultimately we are all accountable to ourselves and whilst he may have given himself a short term boast, he will ultimately know that he has to lie to give other the perception that he is successful.  Not worth your time.  Please don’t see him again.

 

I’m excited for you about this job in London.  I think it will be great and add a lot more diversity and energy to life that the other job would not have delivered.  The way you approach all these opportunities will affect your performance so get all this rubbish out of your head and give it all you’ve got.

 

I’m quite enjoying myself in America.  I’m privileged to be working in a great team which makes up for the fact that most of the time I’m in meetings or completing the administration and organising training for my company.  In short the company I keep is great, the work is fine, I get plenty of opportunity to exercise and I’m in a stunning part of the world (albeit in its own unique way).  The longer I’m here the more I realise how ‘bat **** crazy’ a lot of people out here are.  It is genuinely slightly worrying.   The pointless big trucks only highlight some strange inferiority complex and I find their attitude to gun laws remarkable!  I have a truck with a 5.7 litre engine yet the speed limit is 45 mph, it does 14mpg and is considered economical! What the ****? 

 

Things with Aurore seem to be going well.  I’m about to Skype her shortly and I send her a text a day!  I really like her so I hope she can handle my busy work life.  I get the impression she is very fond of me.  I think over the next year or so I am only going to get a lot busier, so fingers crossed she can handle it.  Ultimately having her around makes me feel happier and things with her are so effortless.  Adding to this I’m thoroughly enjoying learning French.  I bought Rosetta Stone before I left and have been doing about 45mins per day.  My reading and my listening are developing quickly and my conversation is slightly slower which is annoying.  I find myself having to think twice, once in English and then in French, before I say anything.  Hopefully in time this will speed up and I may just think in French!

 

Any update on your dating life?  What are the family plans for Christmas?

 

Love you always,