August 2015 – Sean the horse is put to sleep

I said last month was a struggle month, but in some ways August has been worse.

The most traumatic news is that I had to have Sean the horse put to sleep.  This is because his sarcoids erupted and were just a horrid bloody fly magnet mess that the vet could do nothing with.  I had a complaint from equine welfare when they were bleeding slightly.  This was impossible to contain.

So it is the end of an era and has hit me in all sorts of ways.  He was my constant when everyone else was coming and going.  He was a huge demander of self-discipline in my life.  He kept me fit and was also a go to when nothing else was happening.  In addition it is another marker of ageing.  I will never have another horse.  I can’t afford one.  I can’t physically cope with one, either riding in the same way or looking after him every day through the cold, winter months.  But I was a rider.  For 22 years it was an intrinsic element of me.  It’s a big loss.  I shall take my time in disposing of my horsey stuff as I grieve.

I am seriously dating again.  I know I wasn’t supposed to, but I am.  This time it is a guy I met through church called Ted.  At 48 he is 8 years younger than me and a serious runner so very fit.  He lives in Luton and works nights for Ocado.  Never been married.  Lives with his Mum.  Funny, kind, uber religious.  We have started dance classes together which is huge fun.

I had to wait for my previous counsellor/ therapist Anne to have a vacancy again, but I have started back with her.  Why?  I just feel there is so much change happening and I need to be sure about how I go forward and it is helpful to be challenged in my thinking.

J2 had a great holiday with Charlie – some spats but they are still together.  A* has had whooping cough since she got back and is applying for a 12 month viza for NZ.  She is still with T.  J1 has finished with the lovely Anana and is learning Dari for his new year posting in Afghanistan.

Work is fine.  I am reviewing the website.