Applying again (uncensored)

1.What have you gained personally and professionally from your time overseas as a volunteer?

I had had a very busy and demanding previous 9 years where I had been bringing up 3 teenage children on my own financially and emotionally. I had been doing 2 jobs to try and support them through adolescence and the eldest two through university. Seeing me again, my friends say that the year with VSO has knocked 10 years off my age. I feel revitalised, more confident and fulfilled within myself. I know myself to be capable of surviving in a different set of testing circumstances which were nevertheless probably less stressful than what I had lived through before! Professionally I used all my previous experience to cope with and rationalise the challenges I experienced out there. It was helpful that I had met similar challenges and behaviours in England. Seeing people cope positively with very limited resources was very humbling and can not fail to impact on how I feel about material things in the UK even if I was not especially materialistic before. I adored the open spaces, the landscape, the climate and the more relaxed pace of life.

 

I have learnt that I can be alone for long, long periods of time, comfort and entertain myself and not go loopy – just how resourceful, patient and brave I actually am.

I have been back 3 months and I still feel an overwhelming sense of contentment with my lot.

 

Professionally – it’s a slow task to break through the barriers of those who believe they have nothing to learn and those who believe they are in their place because God or Allah wills it and therefore that is their lot until death.

 

  1. What do you know now that you wish you had known when taking up your previous placement?

In Cameroon generally there seemed to be a mismatch between what the partners wanted and expected us to do and what we were actually told to do or had funding for. While I was ideally suited to my placement on paper my partners were not ready to attempt those changes. They wanted me to bring in money.

 

I don’t think it was really explained what being an older woman in a place like Cameroon means on my training. I missed the close friendships with men my own age I have in UK culture, because Cameroonian men of 50 plus are socialising either with men or much younger women. I had assumed that if I made an effort I would make friends with local people. I did not make any real Cameroonian friends. I was venerated for my age and expertise, but this kept me apart, and in extended families the need for close external friendships is far less than in western societies. This was not discussed in training either in the UK or in country, probably because the situation would be very different for different sexes at different ages and people are maybe too embarrassed to discuss it. For many it is also irrelevant. The greatest loss for the majority of my VSO colleagues out there was a lack of intellectual stimulus. I now know that I will be significantly alone and isolated. I got used to this, kept animals as pets and read a huge amount.

 

I am not used to people in positions of responsibility and power saying they will do things and then never answering the phone, turning up to meetings they arrange and basically doing nothing to make life remotely easy for you. I could count the acts of even basic human kindness made towards me by the commune executive on one hand.

 

In a way I kick myself for putting up with it for so long, but I didn’t want to make a fuss, kept judging my own behaviour etc, hoping things would change.

 

 

3.Which aspects of your current (or last) placement would you be happy to repeat?

I loved the geographical location and Bogo. I did begin to make constructive relationships with key leaders in the tribal structure and many councillors on an individual basis. Because I have a lot of community development experience I quickly realised what local people at grass roots were really interested in and ways to address those issues. Democratic processes have less importance when you have daily problems accessing clean water and food.

 

I would be happy to go back to the same place, but to work with the next layer down from the commune, mainly the lawanes and the women’s groups. As in all good community development you need to start where people are at rather than an intellectual version of where you would like them to be.

 

  1. And which would you choose not to meet again?

The executive at the commune had little or no interest in the ID process, perfectly sound though it may be. They ignored and marginalised me when they felt like it even though they had requested a woman. I had to move house and live alone because in the first compound the Hadja wanted me to eat with them all the time and there was no private outside space. I wanted friendships, but not to be ‘overtaken’!

 

Even though I share a house with 5 other adults here in England, I am better living alone and I am more of a townie than I thought. Too isolated is scary and boring.

 

If it is really difficult one year is enough. Two years is too long for people with anything left behind. And far too long not to have regular, emotionally engaged sex!

 

  1. Why are you applying to re-volunteer?

What I was sent out to do proved impossible, but that doesn’t mean the need is not enormous and that there aren’t people/community leaders out there who did want my help. The difficulty was attempting to address their concerns within the framework of the ID process. In the end it was agreed with my line manager and the senior management team in Cameroon that I submit a costed scheme of work which went into the 2011-12 budget process. I would like to go back and finish what I started out of respect to the people there and because of their belief in me. I would hate their interpreting my not going back that I didn’t care or that their life is essentially hopeless with nothing they can do to make changes for the better. As things stand at the moment I also feel that I gained more from the experience than I gave back, which makes me feel uncomfortable.

 

For those in whose interest it is that I return, it may further diminish their sense of hope, justice generally and faith in people from the developed world. The value of trust should never be underestimated.

 

  1. How does a further placement with VSO fit with your career development?

I am moving towards the end of my career. My plan is to work part-time in either teaching or project management which seems achievable as I have found supply work immediately. This leaves me free to undertake further placements if the opportunity arises.

 

I am now 52 years old. I don’t have a career plan any more. My house can pay for itself. I just need enough money for food, nice clothes and holidays. While I still have my health and I am free of grandparent responsibilities I want to be mentally stimulated, have adventures and travel the world.

 

I still want to grow.