I analyse FB and we visit Bordeaux
Darling A
I hope the fact no one has heard from you this week means all is well and the ‘crise’ is behind you. Phoebe was here at the week-end and J2 said that they had the talk last week-end about being proper boyfriend girlfriend. They are not however, and this made me laugh, ‘official’ on facebook yet! They are so straightforward about everything – what a delight.
Well! What an interesting long week-end Bordeaux was. I feel I am learning stuff about FB all the time. He was edgy about the travelling and grumpy with me. Then, in front of Rick and Jan we had an expert on computers, 60s acoustic guitar players, just about everything you could think of. He is a nerd. He really projected himself to make a positive impression and I think by and large he did. He just said it was necessary to talk at them as confidently as they talk at you so that ultimately they shut up and start listening and having a proper conversation. I get my own private showing of Mr Bean, a slapstick character humour which I am realising is totally entre nous. He is rarely demonstrative to me in public and intermittently demonstrative alone. Rick loved talking to him so much that even Jan commented on how well they got on. I really couldn’t quite understand it as I would have thought it so unlikely.
I am no nearer to feeling certain about FB, but I am attuning to his way of demonstrating constancy and reliability. I think he is very trustworthy, but I find his direct way of speaking to me sometimes so straight down the line it gets my back up, but to be fair, he deals with my quietness. He says the only time I talk to him is when I want to organise something or I am upset with him which is true in some ways! I want to analyse everything, but he will just say, ‘I refuse to discuss this anymore, Win (He saw my passport). Let it go’. In spite of buying swimming gear I could not get in the hot tub. It does not look like the jacuzzi at Clowance.
I have had a great week-end. On Friday FB had an overnight Samaritan duty so I had an evening alone which gave me some valuable sorting out time. I also managed to reverse the car, without a drink in my body or the excuse of the Poles parking their big vans outside in to the little adjoining wall which is now at an extreme angle. I beat myself up about it as doing things like that makes me feel stupid and old. On Saturday morning I rode which I haven’t been able to for months. I keep expecting Sean to buckle under my weight or refuse to leave the yard, but he was his absolute ‘let’s jig round the whole way’ self! FB met me at the yard and we had a drink at the pub, then he needed to sleep. In the evening we went to Karen at the yard’s party 60th and her daughter’s 30th at Offley Social Club. The place was rammed and it was so interesting to see how people had glammed up. There was some serious over dressing, way too much make-up and clingy, sparkly, see through on bodies that needed something more subtle. There were a lot of young women who looked older glam and some interesting transformations down the yard. FB and I sat near the bar and I got to talk to loads of people going to and from the toilet.
On Sunday we went to church. FB didn’t like the speaker, but I did. He was talking about struggle, progress and victory which you could make relevant in all sorts of contexts. Then I took J1 to Luton Hoo to celebrate his achievement. We sat at a table opposite from where you and I sat and the service and food was equally delightful. I avoided the word shiraz and went French syrah, which I now understand is like shiraz – Domaine des Causes & Saint-Eynes, ‘Lirac’ and it was superb. J1 just talked for 3 hours about his experiences, the other men and his feelings, then went. The weather has been beautiful and we went for a walk in the grounds. He misses having a woman at the moment as he finds it difficult to go without intimacy. I guess we all do. FB has just left at 5am to go to a funeral in Wells and I am finishing my email to you before I head to work.
I think the parcel may have arrived as they said 6-8 days. If we don’t speak before Wednesday, please try to send me a few lines as I feel sad when I don’t hear from you and it is always especially important on my birthday. Lots of love – Mum xxx