Age – Being Mortal

 

J1 bought and passed on this book by Atul Gawande to me. Not sure why really as it is all about how we deal with old age when we are no longer able to look after ourselves. At the moment I seem to be very conscious of death. My friend with the terminal cancer asked me why I could still cope with seeing her when many friends and family struggle. I am not sure but to me she still seems the same person whether she has hair or not.

The following extracts are what I learnt from the book.

‘When people reach the latter half of adulthood, …their priorities change markedly. Most reduce the amount of time and effort they spend pursuing achievement and social networks. They narrow in…..Studies find that as people grow older they interact with fewer people and concentrate more on spending time with family and established friends. They focus on being rather than doing and on the present more than the future…..’

(Carstensen’s research) Far from growing unhappier as they age, people reported more positive emotions…they became less prone to anxiety, depression and anger….overall they found living to be a more emotionally satisfying and stable experience as time passed, even as old age narrowed the lives they led.’

‘Why do we wait until we are old? … these lessons are hard to learn. Living is a kind of skill. The calm and wisdom of old age are achieved over time…or as Carstensen thought ….it merely has to do with perspective – your personal sense of how finite your time in this world is.’

‘As people become aware of the finitude of their life, they do not ask for much. They do not seek more riches. They do not seek more power. They ask only to be permitted, insofar as possible, to keep shaping the story of their life in the world – to make choices and sustain connections to others according to their own priorities.’

‘People with serious illness have priorities besides simply prolonging their lives. Surveys find that their top concerns include avoiding suffering, strengthening relationships with family and friends, being mentally aware, not being a burden on others and achieving a sense that their life is complete.’

‘At least two kinds of courage are required in aging and sickness. The first is the courage to confront the reality of mortality – the courage to seek out the truth of what is to be feared and to be hoped…… even more daunting is the second kind of courage – the courage to act on the truth we find.’

‘Whenever serious sickness or injury strikes and your body or mind breaks down, the vital questions are the same; What is your understanding of the situation and its potential outcomes? What are your fears and what are your hopes? What are the trade-offs you are willing to make and not willing to make? And what is the course of action that best serves this understanding?’

‘Part of the way my father handled the limits he faced was by looking at them without illusion. Though his circumstances sometimes got him down, he never pretended they were better than they were. He always understood that life is short and one’s place in the world is small. But he also saw himself as a link in the chain of History…..the hands of many generations connected across time ….. part of a story going back thousands of years and so were we.’