Is he the one?

How are you? I am sorry about not prolonging the phone call on Friday. I did have company and it was not the best time to call, but I didn’t want to say so as you don’t ring very often and I didn’t want to cut you dead. However, you were in an unusually talkative mood and obviously picked up that I wasn’t giving any indication of attempts to prolong the conversation – so sorry. If I spoke to you regularly I would have felt more comfortable about asking you to ring back another time.

Anyway, so is FP the one? Hard to say, but probably/possibly. I have to watch myself in this area as I was very low key about FH and then when he left was gutted to the core so I obviously assimilate people I care about far more deeply than I care to realise and then I am devastated when they aren’t around anymore! FP is just kind, makes love like an angel, extremely consistent and dependable and emotionally very mature and a great cook!

Where I struggle is adjusting to the fact that he isn’t FH. I feel sad that FH wasn’t so nice to me and I thought I was well off with him! Another example is only yesterday I had to look back in the photo albums to find a picture of me with FH wearing a certain outfit and now here I am, thinner and greyer wearing the same outfit with FP. This disconcerts and unsettles me and I sometimes think if I truly loved FP I wouldn’t have those feelings, but it doesn’t seem to bother him. You can put the psychological take on that. It was not love at first sight.

A* got great grades in her essays to date and got away with handing her essay in late without losing marks, but HUGE crisis yesterday – hates all the girls on her corridor and wants to pack it all in and come home. Oh dear I thought – toughen up! But didn’t say that – just went round the houses and probably subtly got there in the end. She is coming home for the week-end on Thursday – I think we are over the worse, but I’m not convinced yet. Had a quick chat with FH about it and he actually asked my advice about getting a relationship back with J1. Funny isn’t it? My decree absolute will be through in a few days and he is asking my advice about parenting and how to deal with difficult employees. Anyway, I told him he had to show J1 unconditional love, maybe write to him as J1 will not answer the phone, and not swear like a trooper at him which he did Saturday morning. I think he will try, but I don’t think FH does sustained humility. He has lost the power and control he had over the boys and will need to negotiate a different kind of relationship. J2 whose birthday it is soon, blew me away at the week-end saying he didn’t want his dad reffing his football party because he spoilt it for him last year – so he has negotiated to have it while his dad is away at his works do and will go out for an Indian with him on the night instead.

Other general news? On Friday night both Bear and J1 went out clubbing and both came back and were dreadfully sick all over the clothes they were wearing and the bedding. J1 had about 6 mates back as well, who apparently fell asleep outside on the lawn while politely trying to contact him on his mobile phone, rather than banging on the door, while he was sick! I rode Sean on Saturday and then on Sunday I cut the grass in the afternoon as it was the driest it has been for a long time. J1 undertook a mercy mission which roped in the rest of us as his mate both broke and dislocated his collar bone while playing sport on Saturday. Some guy training to be a doctor attempted to put it back for him, but he was still in pain Sunday and his parents away so J1 took him to the L&D. They confirmed what had happened, but he has to go to the fracture clinic and see a specialist consultant.

Nothing else to report. Ring me sometime – Wednesdays and Saturdays are bad.