template to encourage an adult child to make intentional decisions

 

 

Today I want you to make an intentional decision to find out more about yourself and what you want. Below are a number of suggestions about how you might do this.

Whatever decision you make has to come from a good place – not one twisted by bitterness and anger. The main reason I went back to attending church was because I wanted to finish with xx and I needed to feel that my decision came from a good place.  While he was a hopeless liar about money he was not a bad person and had been kind to me.  I think a lot of my friends disapproved.  There was a sense that he was the best I was going to get and I should be grateful.  I was fond of him, but life got so boring – I just could not bear it any more.  Because I made that decision I was able to tolerate the rather ungracious way he financially used me over the last few months.  I don’t have any guilt about it because he met his new wife before he left me.

The other way that church helped me was a way to connect with my inner soul and gain strength. Now this doesn’t have to be the Christian religion, but I strongly advise you to get in touch with your spiritual core.  xx had/has it with his standing stones.  xx has some sort of Ted Talks amalgam.  You don’t sound rooted to me.  You don’t seem to have anything as a wall you can put your back against and feel solid ground.  It’s not about being ‘perfect’ – it’s a ‘this is who I am’ sort of place.  This is what I am really good at, this is where I wobble, but I LIKE myself.  I would seek out a very active, moderately happy clappy type of place and just use it as a place to think and touch base with your inner self on a weekly basis.  If you make some new friends it’s a bonus.

Your version of what to be in a relationship is not working FOR YOU. It didn’t work with xx and it isn’t working with xx.  I suffered from the same problem which is why I have kept going back to counselling.  I don’t really know what that lady Anne did over months.  I suspect she played mother in that room, but a mother who just fed back week after week what a good person I was and that I deserved better.  Please think about counselling and get the best qualified person you can.  If there is a pattern they will spot it and help you.

Go back and read ‘7 habits of highly effective people’ again. Write down your goals.  Ask yourself every day, ‘what little thing am I doing to help me reach my goals?’  I promise you, my own experience has taught me it works.

I read in a book recently that one way of looking at life is that we are put here to learn and that the journey is never linear.  Remember the book ‘passages’ too. Describe the phases they have gone through. These are not failures.  It’s a continuation of the very make a compliment about them exploring life.

What you need to do now is to make a decision about moving forward that enables you to develop. While a partner can enhance that, their contribution will never do it for you.

 

I want you to try to talk about the deep things more. They may only come to light by thinking and talking about them.

I love you unconditionally. xxxx