It feels like it has been a long, exhausting and painful month. FP finally moved Friday 15th after weeks when he may or may not turn up to eat or sleep, leaves the dog for us to look after for days at a time without asking and generally not contributing at all. In a way, it does not matter and I can understand his lack of co-operation, but 3+ months of it finally got to me and sadly it leaves an unpleasant memory and reaffirms why I finished the relationship in the first place. I don’t think there are any deep feelings left on his part – I know FP can effectively detach emotionally – in reality probably financially I have been a cheap holding option. I also ended up doing all his packing for him.
Anyway, he has gone bar his tools in the garden shed. I am now decamped to my bedroom and ensuite as the new lodger moved in last week-end and has my small room and lounge. No doubt this contributed to FP finally leaving. G is lovely, 29 years old and a financial manager for Marriott Hotels. I want A* to meet him, but she is dismissive because he is living with us and therefore must be inadequate in some way.
I haven’t heard from VSO. In some ways this is good because although the house is now sorted nobody has come forward to loan Sean the horse so this must be my next focus. I have also got beyond the first few weeks dating this guy and while there is ambivalence on both sides I enjoy his company and am not in an especial hurry to leave.
I am not sure whether I will hit a trough of depression or whether I will actually enjoy the simplicity and peace of my further downsized lifestyle. I have been attending an Alpha course and seem to be capable of leaving at least some of my anxiety at the feet of a greater spiritual entity.