I ask Iris for relationship advice about FB

Dear Iris

 

I need relationship advice.

55 suddenly is beginning to seem old!

 

I have a new temporary lodger Brian until Easter who only comes 2 days a week.  He lives in the Midlands and has a temporary auditing contract in Luton.  He is my age and has a flat in Goa, but seems moderately disconnected from much human contact – no children, don’t know about a partner, I haven’t asked.  He seems existentialist – perfectly polite, devoid of emotion.

 

J2 passed his literacy test so is definitely going to be in house teacher trained next year thank goodness.  The relationship with Phoebe moves on.  He is taking her to meet FH at Easter.  A* got homesick this month.  J1 is head down with work, but we had a celebration dinner at Luton Hoo re his promotion.

 

I spent a lovely few days with my brother in Bordeaux and he and FB got on very well which was a total surprise to me.  FH and FP found Rick kind, but boring.  FB has nerd genes and can talk about lots of things with great authority so they are a match for each other.

 

Don’t ask me about FB.  The more time I spend with him, the more bemused I become about how I feel, but he is proving to be constant in a strange kind of way, with a view on everything.  I am usually glad to say good-bye and then completely happy to see him again.  I don’t know what that says about him, me, the life stage we are at.  I found out they have nicknamed him ‘happy’ in the pub, precisely because although he rates himself as a communicator, smiley he isn’t.  It made me laugh.

 

I had an experience on my birthday.  I would say it was on a par with the aha moment I had, again on my birthday, with my head leaning on a body height stack of rugs in Ikea when I realised my relationship with FP was going nowhere.  FB turned up Tuesday night with a bunch of roses and a card, got fed dinner and breakfast in bed and disappeared by the time I got home – no message.  No row.  Hurtful?  Yes.  J2 cooked dinner and we watched 3 episodes of Breaking Bad.  Thank God for children.  He rang me the next day at work to say he had panicked about mentoring his Samaritan trainees and that he had only been at home 1 day in the last 2 weeks, not just being with me I hasten to add.

 

I am interested in your opinion.  Exactly how flexible and accommodating should I be?  He has some complex family history.  I feel there are issues both with transference and with fear of attachment.  He blows hot and cold. There are some other slightly strange things about his living arrangements which are quirky, but a bit odd for someone his age and with his abilities.  He can be unkind, but says I mustn’t expect him to be perfect.  I guess I am warning you he has the potential to be so unreliable he may not turn up on Saturday, but I will.

 

Work continues to be interesting and enjoyable.  Another person in our team has left so I am hoping this makes me more useful and my contract will get extended.  I especially love the office vibe which is totally laid back and humorous even though the client group locally who visit us on a regular basis are largely sad, loud and cross.

 

I am planning my next travel adventure so next month it may be confirmed.  It’s going to be alone Iris because FB will not commit to planning ahead.

 

I hope all is well with you and yours.  Hazel xxxx