on-going challenge and loss

Posted Sunday December 06, 2015 by Hazel Durbridge

Me with my dad at 9 months

How are you this week? I haven’t heard anything so I hope that is a good sign.

I am just about to go round to Siobhan’s for an Indian takeaway. It has been a hard old slog this week, two evening meetings, I feel tired, one of my team colleagues left today to start a new life in Brazil and here I am. The joy of the week NOT was that FH had a flood at his flat and now wants me to take back the parrot plus budgie; he was saying he couldn’t keep J2 overnight etc. Anyway, I sent a business like email about landlord insurance covering suitable alternative accommodation, but much much more tactful. However, we still had an explosion of expletives with me and the children, which has thoroughly depressed and exhausted all of us and I am probably going to capitulate under his wrath. Not very assertive is it?!!

I meant to tell you last week that 18 months into mostly sleeping on my own I am wearing a t-shirt, nay 2 t-shirts in the cold spell last week. Part of it is weight loss which means I haven’t got so much fat insulation on my bones.

I still haven’t got my car back, but hopefully I will next week. However, I don’t know what you think about this, but I am thinking of selling it and buying a cheaper car, maybe a citroen Picasso.

Monday – it’s not flowing very well this week as I haven’t got an ‘issue’ to talk to you about in depth or maybe even I am getting bored with the post marital angst! I had a nice week-end – went down to Portsmouth to see Mr Accountant – and it was just nice and chilled even though 2 of his 4 children were there. I came back on Sunday and went to see an IT boff acquaintance about some money making ideas I’ve got for web sites. This is around looking at income generating ideas if I do have the opportunity or balls to do VSO or travel extensively. I also applied for another job which is similar to what I do now, identical to a previous job I had and lots more money – so I am in constructive mode. I also got the bricks in the drive fixed post the mains water leak in November so I am sort of firing on all cylinders at the moment.

The children are in perpetual angst, especially J1 and A* sparring over lifts in her car. J1 is going skiing on Friday thank goodness so maybe a week without each other will relax them a bit.

I was thinking at the week-end about blissfully happy times I spent with you. Riding in your open top car was one I told you about at the time, one morning in your beautiful garden (you are very creative and have exquisite taste), the picnic when we went to the sea and the time in the pub with your friends. I make mental notes of happy times (I’ve always done it) and revisit them when I am sad or reflective.

It’s very late now and I have a training day tomorrow. Big hug.

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